I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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