I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
