she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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