Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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