It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
