If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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