Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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