I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
