3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
