fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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