PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
