Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
