Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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