I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
