I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
