Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
