That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
