I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
