so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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