i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize