i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
