it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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