So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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