I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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