Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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