my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
