Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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