the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
