Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
