so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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