so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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