I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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