Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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