Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
