i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
