Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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