is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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