I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
