like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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