YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
