It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
