Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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