Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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