Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize