Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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