Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
