He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
