dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
