I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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