drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
