Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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