Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
