I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
