Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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