I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
