i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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