She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
