oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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