Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I met the friendliest cop last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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