I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
