o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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