I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
