very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize