Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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