We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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