is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
