So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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